SPORK!
by Demon2
Summary: Another bout of craziness... Vaughn is attacked by an army of Sporks and Meese...
1. The Chase

Disclaimer:  Don't own it, won't ever own it, get over it.  

Vaughn raced around a corner of an unknown street in Los Angeles into an alleyway. afraid for his life.  Seeing two possible routes, Vaughn raced down the right.  He ran down the alleyway, looking behind him, searching for any sigh of his pursuers.  He looked forward again and noticed the dead-end seconds before crashing into it.  A surge of pain flashed through his head on impact, and blood flowed freely down his face.  He knew his nose was broken before he touched it, sending another surge or pain through his already throbbing head.

            He heard a noise and knew his pursuers were closing in.  Vaughn tried to make a mad dash to the other path, but before he could move more than 3 steps, he ran into a moose.  Vaughn looked up at the creature with fearful eyes, as he crawled back into the wall.  A second moose appeared, then a third.  Surrounded by meese, Vaughn was scared for his life.  

            As his life began to flash before his eyes, he heard a noise. An unnerving tap-tap-tap that the meese ignored as they stared him down.  The tapping got louder and louder.  Too late he realized what it was.

            An Army of Sporks were coming.

            Vaughn's heart rate increased two-fold.  He knew of the Spork Army and it's vicious ways.  He suspected that the Army was what killed Sydney, Jack, Kendall, Will, Marshall and even Sloane.  He never knew that they associated themselves with the Meese of Doom.  As he began to panic, a white spork emerged from the darkness behind the meese.  It managed to move on its own – how, Vaughn neither knew nor cared.  He was simply fearing for his life, since, when the Spork Army chose a target, that target was as good as dead.  The small white spork hopped into front of Vaughn and proudly held, without arms, a paper that was attached to a pen that looked suspiciously like a flag.  What was the symbol, you ask?  Sporks killing a human.

            Vaughn gulped as more and more sporks appeared.  Sporks of every color invaded the ground between Vaughn and the Meese.  He squirmed uncomfortably as the meese laughed at him in a very un-meese like way.  Taking that as a signal, an older, purple spork moved to the front of the spork regiment and did something even Vaughn wouldn't have expected.

            It spoke.

            "You die now," it said in a surprisingly gleeful voice, as the army of sporks surged forward and attacked Vaughn.  He tried to fight back, but, overwhelmed as he was, it took only minutes for the sporks to accomplish their goal.  As the sporks pulled back, revealing the result of their work, the Meese cheered, pointed, and laughed.  

            "Now we tell world that plural of Moose is Meese!" A young spork yelled.  As cheers rose again, a Moose pulled out a list and crossed out Vaughn's name, one of many CIA officer names on the list that was entitled: HuMaNs tO KiLL.

            It began to rain, washing blood away from Vaughn's body and from the sporks as they marched away, singing, "What I've felt, what I've known, never shined through in what I've shown.  Never free, never me, so I dub thee unforgiven."

            Somewhere else, Irina laughed evilly, a yellow bus crashed into a light pole, a house was set on fire, someone begged for an update, someone met a man at a bar, someone yelled resurgam, and a spaceship full of Disney characters blew up.


	2. Resurgam

A month later, the army of Sporks and Meese passed by a lone house on a deserted road in some backwater state in the United States.  Pausing briefly, a blue spork noticed a name at the gate.  Excited, it hopped to the front of the regiment and bounced in front of the lead spork.

            "Found!  Found!" the blue spork yelled excitedly.

            "Found?" The red leader spork questioned.

            "Webster!" the blue spork responded, pointing to the name on the gate.  (how'd it point?  Don't ask silly questions!)  The red spork pondered for a while.  Then suddenly, it fell over.  Within seconds, it jumped back up, excited.

            "We Go!" It yelled as it turned the regiment toward the house.  Bouncing along merrily, sporks tackled the gate prong-first, and got stuck in the wood.  Twitching and yelling, the sporks tried to dislodge themselves from the gate, as the meese watched in amused wonderment.

            "Meese help!"  The red spork leader cried.  The meese lowered their meese-like antlers and prepared to charge the gate, hoping to destroy the gate and free their spork friends in one try, when the gate full of stuck sporks blew to pieces.  Flaming wood and sporks flew in every direction as the meese looked around, trying to find the source of the attack.  They found it, and reeled back in terror.  

            Sark, dressed in black, stood on a nearby hill with a rocket launcher on his shoulder.  He smirked evilly, and aimed the rocket laucher at the herd of meese.  Making un-meese-like noises of terror, the meese fled, grabbing surviving Sporks as they ran from the SporkandMooseKiller that had terrorized them since they began their quest.

            A rocket hit the crowd of fleeing Meese and Sporks, sending their flaming bodies flying in all directions.The remaining meese doubled their efforts, and practically flew out of the area.

            Scanning the area previously occupied by living meese and sporks, Sark confirmed the deadness of the enemy, then turned to a darkly dressed figure that waited in a helicopter.

            "See, Mr. Vaughn, these creatures can be killed after all." Sark said, as he climbed into the helicopter, as it prepared for flight.  The helicopter took off, and Vaughn looked at the flaming spot where sporks and meese once stood.  Thoes creatures had almost taken his life.  Almost.  

            As Vaughn settled himself for the long flight back to base, he had one thing on his mind – Revenge.

Elsewhere, people died, updates were found, and a Lamborghini Diablo VT flew off a cliff.


	3. The Camp

An agitated spork hopped back and forth in front of its army of Sporks and the Meese.  It had just heard of the attack on its regiment near Webster's house.  Two sporks and a moose were killed, with several others badly wounded.  The SporkandMeeseKiller needed to be delt with before they could accomplish their goals.  First, to change the dictionaries to have meese for the plural for moose, and, second, to take over the world.

The Lead Spork laughing evilly in a spork-like way, stopped suddenly, and fell over.  The meese general, General Moose, helped Lead Spork back up, and Lead Spork continued it's evil laughter.  A passing group of meese glanced at Lead Spork worriedly.

"Army sad.  Want revenge." General Moose told the laughing Lead Spork.  Lead Spork abruptly ceased its evil laughter and looked at its fellow general.

"Must speak to leader," Lead Spork said to General Moose, who nodded in response.

"Leader know what to do."  General Moose agreed.  Lead Spork and General Moose skipped over to Leader's tent.  Pausing outside, General Moose and Lead Spork glanced at each other, nervous.  Leader's 'tent' was a darkly tented Phone Booth that had a tendency to rock for no apparent reason.  Right now, in fact, it was rocking back and forth, and the Generals were confused as to what to do.

Bravely, after some contemplation, Lead Spork makes a loud, attraction-gaining noise.  Lead Spork was rewarded with the sudden stillness of the Phone Booth.  The door flew open, and their mysterious Leader poked her head out.

"I'm busy bouncing off the Phone Booth walls… what do you want?" She inquired evilly.

"Spork and Meese Army sad.  Two Spork and One Meese killed by SporkandMooseKiller," General Moose said.

"Fools!  Those so-called sporks were foons in disguise, and the meese was a mooseopatami!  Spies!  In our army!  The Spork and Moose Killer killed Foons and Mooseopatami!"  Leader yelled, slamming the phone booth door shut.

"But Leader," Lead Spork began.  "Army still sad.  What we do to make happy?"  An annoyed sigh came from inside the phone booth.  "Send the prisoner out for their twisted desires," Came the muffled reply.

Lead Spork and General Moose skated back to their cardboard tent.  Standing on General Moose's back, Lead Spork dressed the army.  No, wait, it addressed the army.  Yeah, that's it.  Anyway, Lead Spork yelled, "Get Prisoner!  He toy now!"

A cheer rose from the army and a pair of meese entered the square, carrying the prisoner between them.  The prisoner, old and sickeningly muscled, gave creeps even to the all-powerful Leader.  This prisoner, who loved to wear red and yellow, yell stupid things, and 'try' to wrestle was none other than Hulk Hogan.

Sporks and Meese alike hated the revolting creature known as Hogan, and would gladly dispose of him.  The Meese drug the creature to the gallows conveniently located in the middle of the Spork and Meese encampment.  There the Meese put the creature's head in the rope that hung there and tightened it, making sure that it wouldn't come loose.  There was a moment of silence as the creature was stared at by hundreds of meese and sporks.  That silence, however, was broken when a tomato hit the creature square in the face.

Following that first tomato, hundreds of other random objects were thrown at the creature, including some of the sporks.  A rock came from the direction of the Leader's phone booth and hit the lever on the gallows, making the trap door fall open, causing the sporks and the meese to cheer as the creature was hung, his neck making an audible snap.

After the cheering died down, Leader appeared from her phone booth and climbed onto the gallows, kicking Hogan when she was up there.  She turned and looked down on her Army of Sporks and Meese.

"Sporks!  Meese!  We must go someplace and destroy some stuff so we can accomplish our goals, whatever they were.  So that means we must go out and destroy the white house!  Once we take out the white house, the world and its dictionaries are ours!" Leader said.

A cheer of giant proportions rose from the army as Leader snuck back into the phone booth.  A chant started among the army, becoming so loud that it could be heard across the valley:

_ "Humans must die!  Dictionaries be corrected! Humans must die!"_


End file.
